What is it that YOU want?
Updated: Feb 3
What is it that you want?
Depending on the topic this question can be one of the most difficult questions to answer. It may be as simple as determining the flavor of ice cream. It may be as sublime as determining the direction of an intimate relationship.
Ice cream flavors spark the memories of my younger days; maybe even to childhood. Nostalgic, delightful thoughts of hot summer days sharing shade under the sycamore tree with close friends in the deep heat of summer. When I eat peppermint ice cream I will always look back on a particularly pleasant summer job at a wedding chapel where Anita, Scott and I experienced the closeness of feminine energy on young men. It was a very pleasant coming of age summer for me.
However, when asked, “Just what is it you want, dear?”, surrounding some of the more tense issues in an intimate relationship, this question might lead from full flight to dissociation in place.
“What do I say?”
“What do you want to hear?”
“What happens if I say yes, what if no?”
“Will he/she leave me?”
“Will they be mad?”
“Will I be cast out?”
Maybe the true answer is, “I DON’T KNOW!”
Growing up in my dysfunctional household, my wants were always driven by the desires of my father. It is through that relationship that I learned to suppress my essential wants and needs by learning to be a chameleon and a people pleaser. Those “survival traits” served me well but were based in dishonesty. I learned to be dishonest to myself by not talking, feeling, or trusting. Eventually I found myself not knowing what I wanted!
My psychiatrist focused me on this lack of “knowing” and brought me to a book by Jack Canfield titled “The Aladdin Factor: How to Ask for What You Want--and Get It”. In this book, Canfield notes that I don’t get what I want because I don’t know what I want! The first step to changing this (always starting at the first step) is to write down what I want! He challenged me to write down 101 things that I want. That’s right, one hundred and one.
Concepts like world peace can’t make the list. It must be a personal want for MY person! Like a new Mini Clubman S Cooper All Wheel Drive, a new job in a particular industry, the characteristics of my ideal mate, and the features of my dream house. The point that Canfield makes is to get it we must name it!
So, I now lay this challenge at your feet. Make a list of 101 wants and I promise you that you will start getting what you want!
Let me know how it goes.
Jack Canfield is an award-winning speaker and an internationally recognized leader in personal development and peak performance strategies.